Helping Children and Teens Cope
While maturity prepares adults for many situations, children and teens can easily feel overwhelmed in dealing with crisis. Following a traumatic event, these feelings can be amplified in children and teens:
Their direct exposure to the event as well as their temperament, previous experiences, knowledge, and supports dictate how they will deal with the crisis. But, there are ways adults can help children and teens cope with crisis.
Shock and Surprise
- upset with changes in routine
- wanting more frequent communications with parents
- asking questions repeatedly to get information about what is about to happen
- dependent on routines at school and at home
- nervousness; hypervigilance (easily startled)
- less willing to try unpredictable social situations or new experiences, including academic assignments and tests, sports competitions, public performances
- moodiness
Helplessness
- irritable when not given choices or power in decisions
- "bossy" with family and friends
- critical of others; judgmental; argumentative
- inflexibility; narrowed focus on self
- showing off; risk-taking behaviors
Fear
- absentmindedness, inability to concentrate
- poor appetite; nervous eating
- frightened by:
- using alcohol and other drugs to calm one's fears
- anxious when separated from parents or caregivers
- concerns about own health and that of loved ones
- demanding reassurance and attention
darkness
monsters
strangers
"bad guys"
reminders of the event
Horror
- thoughts about death and dying
- disbelief; "numb" feeling; in a daze
- nightmares; difficulty falling asleep; other sleep disturbances
- intrusive thoughts; preoccupation with the event
- acting out aspects of the event in imaginative play
- questioning repeatedly about the details of the event
- making jokes about the event
Other signs of acute stress include general anxiety, guilt, withdrawal from others, and not wanting to engage in favorite activities (known as anhedonia).
Helping Children and Teens Cope
- Plan daily activities ahead, telling the child when and how things will happen.
- Stick with as many routines as possible, including times when the child can play and relax.
- If routines must change, explain why (e.g., change in babysitter, location, or transportation)
- Use familiar objects to ease the transition to new surroundings (e.g., stuffed animal, blanket, toys). "What do you want to take with you to the hospital?"
- Anticipate any future surprises with the young person.
- Role-play how the child or teen can respond to others' reactions.
- Identify visual and auditory signals that may cause the child to remember the incident. Help the child cope with these reminders.
- Whether you are a parent or professional, show children that you are still in charge. Young people of all ages need to know there are competent adults taking care of them. If you are not able to compose yourself and take on your normal supervisory role, get another adult to step in.
- Be careful about sharing your own feelings of shock and surprise, especially with younger children. Identify private times when you can "debrief" with other adults.
- Give the child choices whenever you can.
- Recognize bossiness and controlling behavior as a natural reaction.
- Watch for risk-taking behaviors such as driving carelessly, using alcohol and other drugs, playing dangerously, trying "stunts." Young people may unconsciously feel a need to prove that they are invincible and powerful.
- Pay close attention to separations from parents and loved ones: going and coming from school, parental departures for business travel, feeling lost in a large or unfamiliar public place. Even teens may become distressed and irritable if a parent is late picking them up or if they don't know their parents' whereabouts. Use frequent communications to reassure children that they have not been abandoned.
- Be prepared to offer supports as children revisit old fears of the dark, etc.
- Listen for children's explanations so that you can detect how they are reassuring themselves. If there is nothing harmful in their rationales, support them.
- Prepare children for common stress reactions to reduce their fears that they are "losing it."
- Imaginary play is helpful to children. Often children will re-enact a scary situation and "rewrite the ending" so they feel less vulnerable. Angry children may vent their rage on their stuffed animals or make-believe friends.
- Help children identify their own coping skills.
- Don't feel that every question must be answered. When horrific events take place, adults may feel they need to explain them. This is an undue burden. It is all right to say something like, "We are not sure why this happened. But people are doing everything to be sure it does not happen again."
- Set limits on the details shared with children and teens, and limit their exposure to media coverage of the event.
- Remind children how rare catastrophes are.
- Be hopeful and emphasize opportunities to help others. Show children and teens how they can help in the aftermath.
Acute stress reactions are common among children and adolescents who have experienced or witnessed a horrible and sudden event that left them feeling helpless and fearful. Adults—even those never trained in crisis responding—can provide marvelous support to children as they start the path to recovery. While a few children and teens will require specialized help when symptoms do not diminish over time, most children find great comfort and strength in those adults closest to them.